Author: Rachel Burr

Let’s Grow!
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to focus on GROWTH!  I’m ready to be proactive about the changes I want to make in my life and my business, rather than just reactive. Yes, change is constant. If any of us is still in denial of that fact, then we have more than just our head in the sand. We need to have our head in a “growth mindset.”

Are we always going to be 100% ready for any possible change that could present itself, from new technology and new competition all the way to a meteor potentially hitting the earth? No. That’s just madness. Madness, I tell you! What we can do is continuously grow and develop to help us prepare for change, rather than ignore the signs, and hope change will just go away. –It’s a myth that ostriches bury their head in the sand to avoid what they don’t want to face. Only people do that. 

Growth Takes Time
Leaders have the herculean task of preparing teams and entire organizations for change. To do that, we must continuously challenge people to grow. Here’s the tricky part, or at least the “even trickier” part of all this: People (that’s us) don’t tend to grow and change overnight. At least not until life imitates The Matrix movie, and we can eventually upload knowledge and skills directly into our brain. (At which point, I am so learning how to fly a helicopter!)  Until then, growth mindset and development take time.

You may be thinking, “That’s great, but who has that kind of time?” How do we carve out time to prepare for tomorrow when we have too much work today? It’s a serious challenge. There’s a huge pull to react to whatever is urgently demanding our time and attention. But constant reaction is a trap. If we’re not investing in the growth mindset of our leaders, our teams, and even ourselves, then by the time change urgently demands something new, we won’t be ready; but someone else will be. At that point, having too much work and not enough time will no longer be an issue, because we will become obsolete, and there will be no more work left for those of us who fail to grow.

Growth: Nimble vs. Big
Netflix v. Blockbuster is a classic example of this reality come to life (Forbes). A small, nimble Netflix topples the strong, giant Blockbuster. A key moral to the story: Netflix did not win the battle in spite of Blockbuster’s strengths, but precisely because Blockbuster refused to let go of what had previously made it so successful.

Blockbuster leaders continued to react to new challenges by doing the same things in the same ways, assuming the world had not changed. They fortified the walls around their comfort zone. Rather than keeping them safe, it kept them trapped, and eventually they became obsolete.

None of us has a crystal ball to know exactly where the next challenge will come from or who will triumph. What is very much in our power to control is our readiness to embrace change by investing in our continuous growth and development.

Step-by-Step Growth Mindset
So, are we all onboard with the need for growth? –I’m assuming, “Yes,” or you would have stopped reading by now. The next question is, “How do we do that?” How do we inspire, challenge, and support ongoing growth?

Growth is far from a cookie cutter path, but whether we’re developing leaders or recent college grads, there are some fundamental steps to the growth process. Understanding these steps will help us tailor our growth paths and make it easier to weave development into the time we have, for ourselves and for the people we lead.

This path is one model for growth. If you prefer a different model, great! Use what works for you. The goal is not to find the perfect model, but to demystify growth, and break down the process into manageable, actionable steps to help us achieve our goals. Over the next several months, I invite you to explore your growth mindset with me, and take a closer look at each of these steps.

Mindset: Get Ready to Grow!
Before we embark on this journey, there’s something you should know. The growth path I’ve outlined is very simple, and it’s supposed to be simple. Simplicity makes a model easy to understand and use. Growth, however, is not always so straightforward. In fact, growth and change are often downright messy.

Sometimes the growth process can be confusing, frustrating, and even discouraging. Other times we may fall off the growth path completely. When this happens, there’s one very important thing to know: It’s normal. It’s all part of growth. So, when we hit the messy bits, rather than thinking, “Oh no! I must be doing something wrong. I should stop,” we can say, “Oh! So, this is what the messy part feels like…Good to know! Let’s keep going.”

So, what do you say? Are you ready to explore growth? Then, let’s do this!

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. There’s so much daily change to digest, I can’t begin to take it all in. I have days where all I want to do is just shut down. By shut down, I mean watch silly cat/dog videos and mindlessly binge-watch reruns of ridiculous sitcoms or feel-good movies, because at least I know for sure how those will end.

Change is like water. It’s a fundamental element of life, but when we’re engulfed by a tidal wave of crisis, it can feel like we just might drown in it.

My plan for spring had been to kick off an uplifting new blog series focused on change and growth. That was before we were hit with a global pandemic. It feels like a variation of the line from Forrest Gump, just at the point when the storm hits: It’s funny I said that about change, because right then…change showed up.

We all handle change and crisis a little bit differently, but in our best moments as human beings, I am deeply impressed by how we can marshal our energy and resources to respond to a clear, tangible threat. We want to be part of a solution, and we take action.

One thing every one of us can do in our current situation is to ask ourselves, “What will I choose to take from all of this?” and “How will I choose to apply that to my life?”

We have huge opportunities to learn and grow from this experience. Today, however, if you choose to focus more on getting through, rather than growth, I get that too. Let me know if you need some binge-watching recommendations: Amazon, Netflix, Hulu, etc. You name it, I’ve got it!

While I would love to dive headfirst right now into the subject of growth, it’s probably a better topic for another time and another blog post. In the meantime, stay as safe and healthy as possible through the current crisis. As my grandfather loved to say, “This too shall pass,” and when it does, I’ll be waiting.

We are our own best authority on what we want, what we value, and how we should make decisions. So why do we often feel so stuck? One thought: Objectivity (or lack thereof).

It is very difficult (Scratch that.) It is virtually impossible to be completely objective about ourselves. We are inside our own head 24-7, and we each have a very clear ‘me-shaped’ lens through which we see the world. As a result, when we get stuck on a problem or a decision, we can go around the same well-worn mental path over and over again until we exhaust the old ways of looking at an issue. That’s when we may need a little help to unpack our head.

A Brilliant Closet in Disarray

Our head is like a big, brilliant, beautiful closet. The type we see on star-studded reality shows with everything in it we could possibly need or want for a myriad of occasions. Now, imagine that closet packed to the rafters, floor to ceiling, filled with stuff, our stuff. This overstuffed closet is our mind when we feel stuck on a problem or a difficult decision. We wade into the clutter, slogging through piles of clothes, shoes, books, and boxes filled with random memorabilia to scrounge for what we need: Answers. They must be here, these answers we seek. Everything we need is here, but how do we begin to sort through and make sense of it all to find them?

When confronted with this kind of mental chaos, we may be tempted to just close the door, walk away, and mutter the vague promise of “I’ll deal with it later.” Alternatively, we might get so overwhelmed between options that something just snaps, and we randomly start throwing things out, making decisions just to make decisions. Not the best decisions, or even good decisions, but at least we’re taking action; and action means we’re no longer stuck, right? Not necessarily. While action for action’s sake can get things moving, surface actions only distract us from the deeper, ongoing stuckness beneath.

To get unstuck, we need to unpack, but the question remains: How? If, as Albert Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them,” then we need to interject a new way of thinking to find a solution. It may help to engage a partner.

Find a Skilled Thought Partner

When we get stuck, rather than just asking for advice, we should ask for what we really need: a Thought Partner. A thought partner acts as a coach, head-unpacking consultant, and sometimes even chief navigator for our own mental spelunking exhibition. It’s our head and our journey, but unpacking it can be very challenging to do alone.

Great Thought Partners Do 4 Things:

1. Bring Detached Engagement. A thought partner comes to the head-unpacking process highly focused and invested in our success, but unattached to our specific objectives, or even to his/her specific insights and recommendations. Rather than offer advice for an off-the-rack solution, a thought partner offers alternative lenses through which we can examine our challenges and opportunities. This detachment creates greater objectivity and, as a result, helps us achieve clarity about what we really want.
2. Challenge Our Thinking. Great thought partners challenge our thinking and our assumptions, encouraging us to step outside our comfort zone. Thought partners ask great questions, offer observations, and share insights. They help us move beyond our well-worn mental paths to explore the possibility of new solutions, tailor-made to fit who we are today and where we want to go.
3. Create Space for Us to Explore. Great thought partners create the space for us to explore with curiosity and without a rush to judgement. They help us examine the unique and wonderful combination of things stored in our head: our knowledge, skills, experiences, interests, values, goals, and (most importantly) the answers we seek.
4. Connect with Us. If we invite someone to help us unpack our innermost thoughts and core pieces of who we are, it is essential we feel an authentic connection to that person. There may be no clear-cut criteria to assess this connection or ascertain its origins, but that sense of connection should elicit a deep feeling of trust and understanding. If the connection doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

Custom-Fit, Not Off-the-Rack

We may be lucky enough to already have someone in our life who can be a thought partner. However, the people closest to us are often not the most objective in the head-unpacking space. They may rush to try to “fix” our problem; or give off-the-rack advice, rather than help us identify tailor-made solutions that really fit. They also may get too attached to their suggestions and get annoyed if we don’t take their guidance, even when it really doesn’t suit our taste.

Ultimately, we may want to consider hiring a professional coach, head-unpacking consultant, or mental Sherpa to bring objectivity and insight to our unpacking process. In the end, a skilled thought partner will help us move forward down a more custom path tailored to achieve our goals.

Here are some self-reflective questions to get you started in the unpacking process:

1. What’s the decision I need to make, and what has me feeling stuck?
2. What part of the change/decision am I not sure about or makes me uncomfortable? How might this discomfort be contributing to the stuckness?
3. Who can be an effective thought partner for me? – or – Who can help me find a skilled thought partner?

A Modern Greek Tragedy

Once upon a time in ancient Greece, there was a demigod named Procrustes, diabolical son of Poseidon, who tortured unwitting travelers seeking refuge. Procrustes would generously offer each traveler a bed for the night. A bed that was guaranteed to fit. What the traveler failed to realize (probably buried in the fine print) was that he or she would be made to fit the bed, to conform, and not the other way around. If the traveler were too tall, Procrustes would hack off his legs. Too short? The traveler would be stretched on the rack to conform to the space. However, here’s the real dirty little secret of the Procrustean game: No one ever fit the bed exactly.

Procrustes’ bed is truly a Grimm-worthy fable to be sure, but is it really a myth?  Procrustes was the stuff of legend, but every fable has a real-life moral. A “Procrustean bed” has come to represent arbitrary standards to which we are forced to conform. In today’s world, those may be arbitrary standards for a job, a group, or even a relationship. Many (if not most) of us can probably think of a time we made ourselves small or stretched ourselves too thin, either to please other people or just to fit in. However, when we conform in ways that are not authentic to who we are (our strengths, our values, and our principles), little by little we chip away at our core.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Here’s the bigger, bolder question: How much of the standards we perceive to be “required” are truly forced, and how much are a bed of our own making?  We can conform to what we think it means to be a good leader, parent, spouse, partner, or friend; but is someone else really forcing us to adhere to these arbitrary standards, or do we choose to conform because we fear the possible consequences?

Do we–

• Accept a promotion into a role we don’t want because we feel we can’t say, “No”?
• Participate in events we actively dislike to avoid negative judgments by people around us?
• Avoid conflict with a spouse, friend, or colleague because we fear damaging or even losing the relationship?

What would happen if we chose to get out of the proverbial bed and show up more fully as our authentic selves, rather than changing ourselves to fit a mold we think is required?

Now that we recognize the Procrustean bed for what it really is, what can we do about it? If we’re honest with ourselves, there are some organizations, groups, and even relationships where adherence to arbitrary standards may actually be expected in order to belong. Here are some factors to consider:

• Do those arbitrary standards naturally align with our strengths and values? –If yes, that can work.
• Can we positively change those arbitrary standards and want to try? –If so, that’s great!

On the other hand, if the answer is, “No,” to both these “Ifs,” then maybe it’s time to wake up and pull ourselves out of the Procrustean bed. What will it take for us to stop the self-torture of trying to make ourselves fit?

Tap Your Inner Goldilocks

I would like to offer a page from a different bed-related fable: Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Goldilocks had the right idea where beds were concerned. –Even if her judgement concerning bears was a bit questionable. Rather than making herself fit arbitrarily into a bed, Goldilocks judged each bed on how well it fit her needs to find the perfect fit. One bed was too hard. The next bed was too soft. That was fine. She just kept looking. Goldilocks was clear about her criteria for what “just right” looked like, and we can be too.

That being said, “just right” is not the same as a “perfect fit.”  Nothing is a perfect fit, and searching for perfection is another form of self-torture. So, rather than considering our decisions in terms of Yes/No absolutes, we can prioritize our criteria by what’s most important to us:

• Must haves
• Want to have if possible
• Not crucial, but definitely a great cherry on top

Our strengths, values, and goals are an excellent guide to help us get clear on what we really need and want in our lives. With this clarity we’ll be in a better position to identify the trade-offs we’re willing to make to find our “just right” fit. For example, Goldilocks might be willing to accept a slightly softer-than-ideal bed if it comes with a stunning view of the forest and ample security against indignant bears. In the same way, we might be willing to take a job that pays less money, but provides opportunities to learn and grow in ways that help us invest in our future.

They Lived Empowered Ever After

Ultimately, Goldilocks made choosing look easy. For those of us not living in a fairy tale, it can be difficult to recognize when we’re in a misfit bed of our own making. It can also take real courage to get out of that bed and step more fully into our authentic selves. Nevertheless, the moral of this story is an empowering truth: Once we recognize our role in creating our own reality, it is precisely because we have made the bed that we can choose not to lie in it.

Each of us can take a quick pulse in our own lives to see if/where we might be forcing ourselves into a not-right fit, and where instead we may want to choose something more in line with who we truly are and want we really want:

1. Where in my life am I making myself small or stretching myself too thin to conform to what I think is expected? What is the impact?
2. What does my “just right” experience look like in this situation, and what’s important to me about that?
3. What’s one thing I can do today to step more fully into my whole, authentic self?